evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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