u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Couch. On fire.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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