Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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