just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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