Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
