whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
