dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
