pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
