Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
