there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
