I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
