Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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