none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
