I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
