New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
