How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
