when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
