dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
