Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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