She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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