We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
