Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
