so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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