Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
