pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
