theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
