Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
