I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
farters have to be the big spoon...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
