problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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