Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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