it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
