I just cut my nipple shaving
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
