I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
