oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
