Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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