Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
