party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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