why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
