To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
