either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
