you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
