if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Operation Purity has been aborted
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
