Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
