3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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