Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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