it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
