who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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