I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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