Where is the hickey?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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