If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
