i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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