I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
