Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
