Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
